Before this Fall October 28, 2009

I’m wary of trees

The leaves- when lush

with languid August rush- they

lie and lull

Make me stupid

beneath midnight canopy

beneath summer Cygnus, Lyra-

These fill and brim your silvered eyes

Flit the skies and play across

lips pressed like hands in prayer

What can I trust

when morning is on your tongue?

(like summer, you run-

-I remember)

shooting and stabbing,

sharp, so sweet

Make me stupid

until September

 

Eh, something I’m working on.  See, if I’m ‘working on it’, it means- do not criticize.  It also means I’ll shove it into my daily planner amid fifteen other short and long pieces that I’ll never get back to, and lately I feel vulnerable putting up long finished pieces.  Like running a race, you have to have an excuse afterwards for your performance, even if it’s a good one.  

Got a long way to go and a short time to get there.

The Halloween parade is tonight- I love Uniontown parades!

Boring Monday Blog October 26, 2009

This is the month that never ends…yes it goes on and on my friends…   Remember Shari Lewis and Lambchop?  Man, Violet used to watch that as a toddler- the most annoying PBS show!!  Just thought of it…

This is an obligatory, courtesy blog-  because I’ve been too busy to commit to anything of substance.  October isn’t dragging by any means, it’s just jam packed with sanity-challenging…stuff.  Halloween started this past weekend for us- Saturday night was party-hopping.  Several old friends, family, etc.  was nice, but didn’t get to bed until 3:34 which ruins the following day for me- got out of bed around noon!  Now, this week contains TWO parades the kids march in, WPIALS at Slippery Rock, a doctors apt. at Children’s in the ‘Burgh, and preparations to the yard and house for the kids’ party on Ghoul’s Night (I LOVE halloween)- (and I have to fit my running in here and there- I had a great running week last week) plus my niece and nephews are coming over for trick or treating, which s the best trick or treating around- seriously looks like the set of E.T. in my ‘hood- it’s awesome.  Anyhow, I’m out… I’ll keep you posted

70F, clear…XC @ SRU October 22, 2009

Heading out of work around lunch and aiming north to Slippery Rock University…Violet is running the Tri-State XC Meet  on this absolutely beautiful day with hundreds of others- it’s an awesome spectacle- a sea of colored motion through a field of hills with vivid foliage as a backdrop.  Last year was chilly, today is perfect.  I’m excited!

Leave Me Alone October 21, 2009

How do you get someone to leave you the hell alone when they don’t get the picture?  LEAVE ME ALONE.  Unfortunately, this person would not be readng my blogs :/  This is frustrating and consuming my energy and mentality. 

Eating raw veggies and hummus right now at a desk.  Mmmm…getting back on track!  I feel so much more calm when I’m not eating garbage and feeling guilty about not running- and so balanced when I’m racking some miles sans music- just me, my thoughts and Mizunos striking off.  Nirvana.

Speaking of, I gotta get back to yoga- I enjoyed

If it’s Meant to Be… October 19, 2009

… smells of predetermined cause and effect.   I’m tried of hearing the phrase “if it’s meant to be it’ll be”, it’s just idiotic.  It totally excludes free will and the nature of life- the ability to chose one’s one path, actions or consequences.  As in, look- I’ve no control over the situation or end result.  Nothing is ever ‘meant to be’ or we would have no choice in any matter at all because the phrase/attitude dictates a state of surrender to predestiny.   Well, that’s just silly.   Life is random in the way that we pick and choose and each decision we make will have an altered result or destination.  So please, “If it’s meant to be, it’ll be”?  Save it- it’s a cop out and a view of indecisiveness and fear.  Life is unscripted and wonderfully chaotic.   End of my afternoon rant.  (love you all )

Rest Stops and Parking Lots October 18, 2009

I have a favorite place to fall apart and dismantle: odd mile markers and rest areas…always the car. 

I drove halfway through Ohio, collected my Columbus Marathon Bib number, packet, spent fifteen on parking and turned my coat collar up to block the stinging cold wind.  I walked countless back-and-forth miles up and down N. High Street.  All alone I visited the (rather sparsely exhibited) Museum of Art.  The sculptural collection of Dale Chihuly (Chihuly, Illuminated) emited a soft, heated flourescent buzz.  I drove around for awhile.  I chased my aunt down.  I sat in another parking lot.  I sat in the Hyatt Regency lobby watching cut-out people with stand-up strollers and put tab-A-through-slot-B Coach Bags and Coach toddlers.  Finally, after many hours, I decided to drive home and not race; so at 7:00pm I pointed the Jetta eastward on Route 70 and cried until I couldn’t anymore.  That’s the honestly sad truth.  My lips were numb and my eyes were twitching so I pulled over once in the “Stop only for Emergency” Lane and once at a rest area twenty miles west of Zanesville.  I cried until my eyes couldn’t offer any more.  It was pathetic and never had I been so comforted by the Pennsylvania welcome sign.  Ugh.   Horrible. 

Don’t sit in your car for too long, in solitude, on a dismal day with your head already swirling with jumbledyjumble staring at treetops and stratocumulous clouds. Take it from me.

(above, perched- Pallas)

Be Still! October 16, 2009

…and I will tame you with a magic trick…

Where the Wild Things Are was awesome and Violet and I embarrassed ourselves by being the only criers in the sold-out midnight showing.  Nevermind, screw it- I’m not embarassed!  I started in the beginning   I’ve got pics of last night too if I get the chance to upload them…  I’m exhausted!  We got back from Homestead at 3:15a.m. and I’m zoning, bleary-eyed and hungry, at work waiting patiently for my ‘parole order’ and release at 4p.m.- Come soon! 

Now, homecoming tonight at the high school, then SAT’s for Violet tomorrow and driving to Ohio in the morning for yet another race which is shaping up to be under the duress of inclimate weather.   Yay!  Actually, I love running in the cold- going to be great (I’m telling myself this).  I’m going to check out the Museum of Art so I’m excited about that much.  Mas tarde!

Catholic Kid October 15, 2009

I’m not saying we’re different or special, because I didn’t grow up as a Protestant, Presbyterian, Methodist of follower of David Koresh; I only know the Catholic kid experience, which has probably shaped who I am and how I look at faith, regret or wafer crackers for that matter.  We crowned the virgin Mary every day in May and prayed before lunch in the cafeteria- my supplications mostly involved divine intervention by way of successfully stuffing my green beens into my milk carton- without incident- so Sr. Corrine wouldn’t ridicule me.  Religion class was making tissue paper stained glass decorations or memorizing the Beatitudes. 

Even play outside of the classroom was a strange version of the secular variety- climbing a tree wasn’t just climbing a tree- I was Zaccheaus- the short, sinning tax collector.  A baby doll was the infant Jesus sometimes and being Mary on the playground was funny because we’d chase boys around getting them to submit to being our Joseph, singing Madonna and Bon Jovi songs.  Man, Catholic kids are nuts.  In the run-down of occupations I toyed with as a child (professional ballerina, Cybil Shepperd (for real), wife of Harrison Ford and journalist), the one in which I felt most powerful as was priest.  No, not nun- they were wimpy and had terrible teeth and breath- I wanted to be the Big Man in Robes.  I wonder how many parents of friends contemplated my future when I organized play-Masses in their basements while staying the night.  What third graders perfect the art of stamping out a Eucharistic host out of a piece of Wonder Bread?  I’d make rows of plastic kid chairs in my own basement, fill them with my own congregation (Mr. Howell and the Professor- my teady bears, Raggedy Ann and Andy, etc) and begin a procession  to my Monkees vinyl, or Daryl Hall and John Oates.  This cracks me up- I was odd…pulling off the legs of spiders so I could preside over a proper Catholic funeral Rite and burial.

Now, nearly thirty years later, I’ve forgotten about and walked away from it. I just can’t….  I go to Mass at the key Holy Days- and, just as I remember my aunt doing when I was a kid (totally confused by the entire moment) I find myself crying by the end of Mass- wiping fat tears off my lashes in concealment- and I’m just as confused now as I was then.  Anyway, that’s my take on growing up Catholic- it’s puzzling.

Po.B. October 13, 2009

Po.B.

The doubt is thickening

Choking out our Infant-Thing

and I peel back the

dust cover with little coughs that fog and foul

so you can receive It now.

I never really gave birth

to It but tried to

bond with its shallow breath,

gray toes, ghastly way

It glares with hollowed eyes-

it’s no surprise

that I’m unfit for the wait-

Everyday  is so civil, so civil, so civil.

I shuffle on tip toe,

teeter along your decline.

In kind we’re sick

and doubt is at our door-

we labor to loosen these monsters to the midnight feeding.

 

 

 

My mood is fine, actually.  Don’t let dramatics fool you- going crazy at work.  I feel like a changling… where is the real Angela Patricelli?  Would she like to consult with me?

Sunday Sicklies October 12, 2009

We’re all sick kids.   Colby’s wandering around with a quilt wrapped around him, looking like royalty- King Nyquil.   Violet’s room even smells toxic.  My nose is constantly dripping, but not to the point of making walrus tusks out of t.p., which I ordinarily will do. 

I feel like I’ve spent the weekend in bed.  Maybe because I did.  Life revolved around the bed after running ten miles Saturday afternoon, culminated in some Tylenol PM (sore) taken much, much too late, and resulted in waking at 11:20 am today.  I felt like I was late for the first day of tenth grade or something- utterly lost.  Did I miss the bus?  I don’t know the last time I slept so much. And it didn’t stop there- I remained horizontal all afternoon posting things on Craigslist, eBay and various forums hoping to rake in some needed cash.   Someone please buy my stuff.  Now tis late Sunday nigght and I’m STILL lying across the bed!  I must get out tomorrow- maybe put down some miles, run some errands- visit the mountains, chase some hobbits.  It’s really getting thick with autumn aura out there- I was amazed by the difference in the mountains when I was there Saturday morning-  the leaves are changing here, but up there they were absolutely beautiful and peaking.  I was along the river…..wow.  I want to get back up there and all of us go hiking before a good rain or wind destroys the foliage. 

Looks like I will not be a rock star after all- my services are unwanted.  Oh well, I really don’t think I could’ve pulled it off anyway (sniff sniff) 

Five days until Columbus (insert scared-face icon)  I’m a little stiff and sore after a ten-miler- NOT GOOD.  I just want to be fast.

and
Running is something that we’ve always done and

mostly I can’t even tell what I’m running from

(Amanda Palmer- Runs in the Family- great song)   Ho hum ho hum I guess it’s time to EXPIRE retire.