An Oatmeal Kind of Life November 3, 2009

Oatmeal is starting to turn me into a dull person- you are what you eat, right?  I’ve eaten apple cinnamon oatmeal everyday at work for nearly two weeks.  I’m stuck in my habits, my ruts.  Does it occur to me to make something more flavorful?    Of course- I’ve got veggies in every color in the fridge, hummus, a stack of white chunk tuna in the cupboard for salad… but I grab my “woobie” food- my comfort plan- tried and true oatmeal.  A bar for breakfast, hot honeyed green tea at work in the morning, oatmeal and yogurt (yogurt every day for YEARS) ….. day in, day out.  I gotta step out of this monotonous food box before whatever lustiness I have commits suicide.  Spicy tonight. 

I have been entirely too busy to blog.  So I’m boring.  And my latest entries suck ass.   My apologies, I’m wrting out of a sense of personal obligation to not abandon (hope, cheese and my favorite worn out stained up jogging shorts) my site.  It’s the looming, forboding HOLIDAY SEASON.  Wretched.  I feel time taxed already.  I promise, there’s excitement left in me yet.  Thursday it’s Taking Back Sunday with my youngest   Excited!  We scored pit tickets- look-out, there’s a mom in the pit!

Boring Monday Blog October 26, 2009

This is the month that never ends…yes it goes on and on my friends…   Remember Shari Lewis and Lambchop?  Man, Violet used to watch that as a toddler- the most annoying PBS show!!  Just thought of it…

This is an obligatory, courtesy blog-  because I’ve been too busy to commit to anything of substance.  October isn’t dragging by any means, it’s just jam packed with sanity-challenging…stuff.  Halloween started this past weekend for us- Saturday night was party-hopping.  Several old friends, family, etc.  was nice, but didn’t get to bed until 3:34 which ruins the following day for me- got out of bed around noon!  Now, this week contains TWO parades the kids march in, WPIALS at Slippery Rock, a doctors apt. at Children’s in the ‘Burgh, and preparations to the yard and house for the kids’ party on Ghoul’s Night (I LOVE halloween)- (and I have to fit my running in here and there- I had a great running week last week) plus my niece and nephews are coming over for trick or treating, which s the best trick or treating around- seriously looks like the set of E.T. in my ‘hood- it’s awesome.  Anyhow, I’m out… I’ll keep you posted

Leave Me Alone October 21, 2009

How do you get someone to leave you the hell alone when they don’t get the picture?  LEAVE ME ALONE.  Unfortunately, this person would not be readng my blogs :/  This is frustrating and consuming my energy and mentality. 

Eating raw veggies and hummus right now at a desk.  Mmmm…getting back on track!  I feel so much more calm when I’m not eating garbage and feeling guilty about not running- and so balanced when I’m racking some miles sans music- just me, my thoughts and Mizunos striking off.  Nirvana.

Speaking of, I gotta get back to yoga- I enjoyed

Po.B. October 13, 2009

Po.B.

The doubt is thickening

Choking out our Infant-Thing

and I peel back the

dust cover with little coughs that fog and foul

so you can receive It now.

I never really gave birth

to It but tried to

bond with its shallow breath,

gray toes, ghastly way

It glares with hollowed eyes-

it’s no surprise

that I’m unfit for the wait-

Everyday  is so civil, so civil, so civil.

I shuffle on tip toe,

teeter along your decline.

In kind we’re sick

and doubt is at our door-

we labor to loosen these monsters to the midnight feeding.

 

 

 

My mood is fine, actually.  Don’t let dramatics fool you- going crazy at work.  I feel like a changling… where is the real Angela Patricelli?  Would she like to consult with me?

Waiting Room October 5, 2009

It’s a day in waiting.  I don’t know what’s up, really.  My day is screaming by considering it is a Monday, but I’m anxious and clock-watching anyway.  All of the anxiety of a waiting room minus old issues of Golf magazine and formica chairs.  Staring at the quieted cell phone, watching the digital seconds snap away on the desk-top clock…  waiting, waiting, waiting.  Waiting for a snack, a break, the sun, a run, a text, a bless-you, my turn at the bathroom. 

Humming in the background, a mental puragtorial waiting room is at the summit, like a flashing warning sign (90 percent grade- caution- you’re going down!) with all of life’s Big Things just outside (or are they small things?).  And I’ve got to wait and sit this one out… I’m taking a number and getting in line.

Workday nonsense September 30, 2009

It was another cinnamon french toast morning.   I’m on a roll.  Or is it that I’ve no groceries?  Whatever the case, my grouchy, half-blind zombie-child, Colby, is actually eating breakfast and I love when a kid will eat their breakfast.  I’m usually shoving pop tarts, muffins, bowls of cereal or rice krispy treats into his hand, backpack, pockets, to which he yells at me for nagging and throws them back on the counter.  BUT make a nice hot pile of french toast and he EATS.  Victory smells sweet!  And I smell it all over my clothes even at work right now.  

It’s so dark and ugly today and I’ve officially declared it Chai Tea season   There are most certainly seasons for food and it’s apple crisp, chili and soup or pancakes for dinner time!  I welcome it.  Tea in the summer is just not right.  What I’m seriously dreading when I’m trying to talk myself out of hitting snooze for another hour, is Life After Thanksgiving.   That is a season for me that stretches from  Black Friday until the last snow.  Maybe Easter.  I know, I live in the absolute wrong place- I need sun.  I’m already feeling low when 7pm rolls around and the sun disappears.  Anyway, Thanksgiving I love, Christmas- NO.  No, no, no.  Skip it. And January through March- absolutely bleak and depressing. 

Some young punk in VA wants to buy some wheels I have for sale online- he’s pestering me at this moment- I’m asking $300 and he wants to pay @225 and DRIVE half way.   What the hell is wrong with people?  He lives in southern VA.  Gotta head out- working in the sheriff’s office today

Bleed it Out September 29, 2009

A week and two days.  Nine days.  That’s how long it took me to get back on my feet and dragging the pavement again since the Marathon.  Considering my life in that span, I honestly haven’t had the slightest urge even though running has kept me focused, centered and conscious any other time- it’s just getting back.   It’s doing.   It’s believing.

I thundered up Fayette at a beautiful race pace because it just felt that beautiful.  She’s back.  Digging in around Union Street I realized that I smile at dogs.   All of them.  Funny; how do you do today, friend?  About six dogs smiled back at me on that street.  Back around Morgantown, two of my Uniontown policemen friends waved me on through the intersection in their patrol cars.  My shuffle swooshed, “you’re here, you’re here, you’re here” .  But I’m just a fragmented version of Ang.  Fragment?  Okay, shards.  A fragile, complicated box of sharp shards.  Sigh.  I suppose routine gives birth to a false sense of normalcy.  Maybe that’s how I revert to complacency in the first place (I’ve been dodging talking to Dale and avoiding confrontation because I like to go about my day in constant denial- it feels safe.   And routine).  I know it’s sounding hokey, because if you really wanted to, you could draw parallels from any one thing to another, but running in particular always tends to open those doors…. Lori, for instance, does an inspiring job of uniting her life in Christ with her everyday “work” be it running or mothering.  Today, during this 5 miler, it was as cold as a blustery November evening, spitting fine rain, and dark.  I knew Dale was out on his run, too.  I knew he was somewhere on the same city streets, unseen.  And although I know I am considerable faster than he, I still couldn’t “find” him- we were on completely opposite routes, wind hitting our faces in conversing directions.  It was a strange realization.  I don’t know.

Warden, with no warning, announced his sudden retirement at this morning’s meeting.  I’m the “newest” employee with only two years of service, but I shamelessly got emotional about it.   All day I was fighting tears - UGH!  What a crier!  He is the the most compassionate, wonderful, fair boss I’ve ever had- he will be missed when he goes.  Well, enough.  Tonight would be a most excellent chili night.

And thank you for the kind comments on the blog, friends